I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
