sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
