He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
