some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
