one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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