you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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