Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
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she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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