I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
