in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
