I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
