you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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