watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
