she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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