we made out on top of his cat.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
