she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
