who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
