I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
