i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
