i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
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They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
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I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard