i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
