sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
