It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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