im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
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Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
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Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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