i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
