Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
