Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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