Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
