i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
