There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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