D3 body, D1 cock
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
