i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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