you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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