Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
