how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
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Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
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We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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