I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
did i walk over a car last night?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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