You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
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I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
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Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.