a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE