i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me