Texts From Last Night

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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.

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  (623): Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/vksk
  Replies (42) Good night (922) Bad night (6248)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.

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  (503): My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night. http://tfl.nu/xdrw
  Replies (19) Good night (642) Bad night (4507)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore

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  (502): I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore http://tfl.nu/n25p
  Replies (37) Good night (6617) Bad night (1355)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  we turned his baptism video into a drinking game

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  (425): we turned his baptism video into a drinking game http://tfl.nu/gtee
  Replies (18) Good night (4481) Bad night (1297)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...

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  (715): I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life... http://tfl.nu/7li7
  Replies (6) Good night (1399) Bad night (1213)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting

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  (702): Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting http://tfl.nu/9kwe
  Replies (7) Good night (1968) Bad night (981)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight

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  (314): The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight http://tfl.nu/sdqv
  Replies (7) Good night (4121) Bad night (798)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.

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  (708): I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk. http://tfl.nu/8bkp
  Replies (2) Good night (723) Bad night (1465)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis

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  (850): It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis http://tfl.nu/b0bh
  Replies (3) Good night (1388) Bad night (487)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....

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  (513): I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know..... http://tfl.nu/0xlu
  Replies (14) Good night (2310) Bad night (610)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.

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  (319): She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high. http://tfl.nu/fsls
  Replies (6) Good night (924) Bad night (641)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...

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  (402): Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem... http://tfl.nu/aasf
  Replies (2) Good night (740) Bad night (300)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.

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  (540): The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness. http://tfl.nu/p6k2
  Replies (0) Good night (376) Bad night (278)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..

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  (+44): I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far.. http://tfl.nu/4lu0
  Replies (2) Good night (284) Bad night (464)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking

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  (610): No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking http://tfl.nu/htwk
  Replies (5) Good night (378) Bad night (375)

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