He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
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The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?