My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.