She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.