At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
