somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
