can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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