Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
