So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
