im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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