I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I could make wine with my vomit
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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