I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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