No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize