I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
