I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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