i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize