I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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