I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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