you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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