gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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