i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
