dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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