broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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