How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
