Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
ttyl tear gas
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I am available for nakedness
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
