Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
