I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
