the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
