I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
