I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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