The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
