Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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