Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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