so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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