She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
