oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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