He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
That reminds me...we need to get swords
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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