I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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