At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.