i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
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Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
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I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch