names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.