these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.