So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
reminds me of losing my job
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.