oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday